Frustrated...with the system and myself

So I'm home for lunch - getting supper in the crock pot, checking email, checking blogs...and a gal I know of (don't know her well) just blogged that they have their adopted daughters file in their possesion.  They started with the same country we are with in July of last year...and they have HER.  Theirs.  Just over a year.

and. i'm. frustrated.

I think that me be putting it mildly...because while they are with a different agency than us and everyone sets different peramiters, we are hearing back from others that they have waited OVER 12 MONTHS (really more like 14mos, 16mos etc) for their children.

how is this possible?

How can we all be adopting from the same country and have such DRASTICALLY different wait times.

so i'm frustrated...i'm doubting God's timing and I'm not sharing in the joy of this aqaintaince who has seen her daughter for the first time...and that is not like me...but it doesn't stop the 5 year old in me from thinking "It's my turn!"

Prayers for acceptance and joy and patience...I guess that's all I can ask for....

Update...

Wow...is it time for an update or what!

No time for pictures...let's get too it...

*  Water For Christmas - one day - $30,000 plus - AMAZING!  Wonderful!  Thank you!

huge slide down from that...read on if you will

*  We had a cat...for all of two weeks (maybe a skoch more than that) named Cinder...beautiful approx 2 mo. old black cat that was almost ran over by my co-worker and came to live with us.  Crazy cat that loved to pick fights (could be the age - who knows, she and Halley ((dog)) had fun though) and bite.  Nate hated her - too much invading of personal space for him and I realized I just don't have the patience or the time for cats after having children.  So Cinder went off to a friends farm - seriously she did - and is now known as Trixie.  Laugh it up...it's true!

*  Went away for a girls weekend with some friends last weekend - so much fun, such good memories - love those gals!!

*  Had a great Thanksgiving with my 3 guys yesterday - did the bird, the potatoes, the stuffing - well, really Brian did, I did the gravy and drank a glass of wine - all in all, a great meal and a great day!

*  Nicholas is being this amazing boy these past two weeks...very helpful and trying new things willingly...just amazing...  So my big guy and I starting putting up the tree and the Christmas decor yesterday...still have a ways to go...but love that Nicker man for always wanting to be there!

*  Going a little stir crazy in the house today - laundry and the usual cleaning - Brian went hunting - needed to GET OUT so we braved the "eating out with young children" and went out for Chinese (I know, what the heck were we thinking - the least we could have done was found a place with a grilled cheese sandwich right?)...but actually it went REALLY well.  I think the kids were as couped up as I was.  We enjoyed our meal immensely!

*  After supper we went to pick up a couple of movies (wild and crazy guys that we are!).  Let the boys stay up late then sat down to watch a cute movie about love, relationships and marriage...not a real blockbuster, but cute (and really, our options were SO limited).  So after the movie was done I couldn't help myself, turned to Brian and asked "So, was I your safe bet?" and his answer to me - verbatim - was "YOU?  Yeah, about as safe as a heart attack!" which cracked me up.  I for one, am taking this as a compliment.  Love you too babe!

So that's about it...will follow up with pictures in good time...

Water For Christmas...Friday, November 13th

I'm at a loss for words...

I feel that my babies deserve the best of everything I can give them...

...and these babies do too.

I feel that for some, once your are a mother, you can't help but have your eyes opened to all of the children that need love, attention or just a moment for one person to see what a wonder a joy they really are.

These children need more than that.

They need water.  Wonderful, lifegiving water.

Go HERE to donate.

To help these people.

To change the world.

To change yourself.

Pictures provided by Jody Landers. 

Go HERE to read more about her trip to Liberia last week with charity: water.

Everday life.

I'm thankful for my husband...who doesn't like coffee but will make mine for me when I am (always and every morning) running late. I love it that he takes the initiative to get a babysitter to take me out to eat at my fav. restaurant too. This always makes me feel loved - that and when he does the dishes (which he always does) and makes supper (which when he does is SU-HO much better than me cooking).

I thankful for the Nicker...who when I do something that makes him immeasurably happy he without fail says "Oh Mom, I love your heart." I love this boy who always tells me when he thinks I look nice which doesn't fail to make me feel like a million dollars.

I'm thankful for the Tate...who while even though he seems to need me desparately at times (which makes me feel claustrophobic or like I have a new apendage that weights UH-LOT) still shows me how much he loves me with the sloppy kisses and and wonderful giggles.

I'm thankful for catching up with family...even though we see eachother less and less as the years go on, talking on the phone reminds me how close we really are. The few true people who know you, your sense of humor and who without fail do the 'hello voices'.

I'm thankful for my job...while I don't love it every minute of everyday and while without fail I have the working-mother-maybe-I-should-stay-home-mother-their-only-young-once complex at least once a week - I truly do love what I do. I love that I get to come up with ideas, that my ideas are heard, and that 50% of the time I get to be creative and looking for new ways to do what we do better.

I'm thankful for my friends...even though we don't see eachother as much as we (me!) would like, the fact that when we do get together (and even in the anticipation of getting together!) the fun times are at an all time high, the laughter never ends and I truly feel like I know the best people ever - different from eachother, different from me, but we all just fit.

So in the month of thanksgiving...I am very thankful.

Saturday Fun Part 2

We had such a good time trick-or-treating & seeing our friends!!

Saturday Fun Part 1

So this morning we used the coupons we had for four free games of bowling and hit the lanes (we tried hitting the pins, but that didn't always go so well).

Nicholas tried the ramp, the bumpers and doing it all by himself - which amazingly to us showed us how competitive he really is. He was getting so mad at himself each time he didn't knock any down...even if he only got a couple he was mad. So many conversations in the span of one hour in regards to not always winning, sometimes getting zero etc...non of which really sunk in I think.

This is after the very first melt down...

This is after the third...

Overall we had an ok time...but it wasn't quite what a thought it would be. Guess we can't win em' all.

Needless to say BOTH of these children are taking a nap now. Let's hope Trick-or-Treating goes over better than bowling did...

More Milestones for Nick

Thursday, October 29th - the Nickerman lost his first tooth!!

Typical of him getting his first baby teeth - I -the mom- am oblivious to this. He had told me a couple of weeks ago on our way to school that his teeth were loose. I felt, noticed nothing and in the back of my mind thought that he was too young to start loosing his teeth already.

Nope. Daddy notices that Nicks tooth is not quite as white as it used to be and realizes that this puppy is ready to come out at any moment!

His tooth was holding on just enough that I had to give it a good tug but it popped right out - and I think Nick was just so excited that he let the "pain" go right away.

After all of the fuss of mom and dad the big guy had to go check it out himself.

Our big guy is just growing up...

Mr. M

So tonight Nate & I watched Mr. Magoriums Wonder Emporium - such a good movie! It made me smile, it made me laugh and it made me remember about the hope and sparkle we have when we are kids! This is a wonderful movie that deals with loss and love and being true to and believing in yourself and what you have to offer.

One of my (many) favorite quotes from the movie (brought me to tears)...


Mr. Edward Magorium: [to Molly, about dying] When King Lear dies in Act V, do you know what Shakespeare has written? He's written "He dies." That's all, nothing more. No fanfare, no metaphor, no brilliant final words. The culmination of the most influential work of dramatic literature is "He dies." It takes Shakespeare, a genius, to come up with "He dies." And yet every time I read those two words, I find myself overwhelmed with dysphoria. And I know it's only natural to be sad, but not because of the words "He dies." but because of the life we saw prior to the words. [pause, walks over to Molly] I've lived all five of my acts, Mahoney, and I am not asking you to be happy that I must go. I'm only asking that you turn the page, continue reading... and let the next story begin. And if anyone asks what became of me, you relate my life in all its wonder, and end it with a simple and modest "He died."

Molly Mahoney: [starting to sob] I love you.

Mr. Edward Magorium: I love you, too. [picks Molly up, sighs heavily]
Your life is an occasion. Rise to it.

Pumpkin Carving (and guts!)

So tonight it was time to carve the pumpkins! Of course the boys...well really Nick...was interested for all of 5 minutes and then doing progress checks ever 10 minutes after that.

So it was up to the big guy and I. And in all actuality, we had a great time...remembering our first Halloween carving pumpkins in my tiny attic apartment, remembering every year thereafter and why we did or didn't do pumpkins and what we had done each of those years

(he is now looking over my shoulder correcting my punctuation so maybe I'm forgetting all of the good times - HA!)

So here is the main man really getting into it!

Here are my pumpkin guts. Laugh all you want, but I dig this stuff out with my rubber gloves on - so nasty - the smell alone makes me want to gag!

Above is the "scary" pumpkin face that Nick picked out.

2/3's of the boys.

Me and the Nicker.

Making more memories.

Cutie Patootie!