It's Not Fair To Compare

...nope. It's not - but that doesn't mean we don't. That doesn't mean I don't. And it doesn't make me a happier person. It doesn't make me a better person. So why do I do it?

Why do I compare my baby to other children his age and get angry that only until recently did he call me mommy? Why do I get frustrated with his frustration that he cannot find the way to communicate with me his needs. I understand him more than anyone else and yet he struggles to find the words that would make things so much easier. Why do I have to remind myself that he is a wonderful, exciting, dynamic boy with boundless energy and an amazing love. Why do I need to remind myself that that is in fact, enough?

Why do I get angry and frustrated with our adoption? Why has the time been extended? Why is going to take so much longer to bring my baby girl home? Why is there so much paperwork and so much of it asks the same questions only in a slightly different way? Why is it so expensive to give children that need a family and a home and love these things? Why to physically give birth to a child do you not have to first go through this extensive and costly process? Why do other families have no problem just asking people to give them money to fund a decision they have made, and why do I have such a problem with something that doesn't affect me in the slightest - except for the fact that I couldn't bring myself to do the same (stupid pride!). I tell me son that if he is torqued that his little brother is making a mess but it isn't affecting him to let it go...so why do I let this bother me? (Really I know the answer to this one - it's because I am selfish. Because I think of all of the "things" that I am doing without in order to make our dream a reality and I'm just selfish...human, wanting the "things" the "have it all." We have never gone the easy route and always prided ourselves on our budgeting and saving abilities, but that "reach my goal satisfaction" is a long way off).

...so these are a couple of things that I have been thinking of lately...until we had our first small group on Wednesday night and this was the subject. 'It's not fair to compare.' Nope, it's not. Thank you for the reminder God.

I know that I am blessed beyond measure. I know that You have a plan. I know that I have truly never wanted for anything and that all I have has come from You. I know that I need to trust. I know that I need to rely on my faith. I know that I need to keep my eye on my ball (so to speak). I know...I'm human, I have fallen and I need your forgiveness, mercy and grace. I know...so thank You for the reminder.