Trying times I'm having - trying to be better, think better, do better and still be me (ah yes, my will or His will). Having conversations with Brian in regards to trust and why I don't - why that is so damaging to me and to relationships that I do or do not have and all the while me thinking that I really need to get this straight before my babies are old enough to realize this about their momma. Going back to my old self is easy - protect my thoughts and my feelings and my heart from those that might/will hurt me - and it's justified right? No one wants to get hurt. But in doing so, I'm not trusting and I'm not opening myself up to feel the pain, just pass it by, stuff it down, don't deal with it and let it get dusty in the corners of my mind.
Today I read this on a
another blog...
“My heart is held in the hands that threw stars across the night sky. My heart is hidden beneath the shadow of wings that reach from eternity to eternity. My heart is mended by the Carpenter, pieced back together with the same nails that pinned Him between heaven and earth.
I’ve got to believe that He’s not going to let me be emptied.”
(Ali C.)
...and now I'm in tears (not good when I only have about 20min left of lunch). Ouch!
So now I have to ask myself...if I don't trust others...do I really even trust Him?
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